The Worst of All Possible Things

Apple’s going on my list. I’m jotting the name down right now: A…P…P…L…E…Apple. Apple is now on my “shit list.” That’s right, Steve Jobs and all his scarf-wearing, espresso sipping, iPhone tapping, self-important douche bag asshole followers better watch out. I have the power of words on my side — words written on a “shit list.” There’s nothing more dangerous than that.

What has Apple done to deserve my ire? Five months ago, they purchased an awesome little site called Lala.com, which allowed a person such as yours truly to upload his song collection to the internet and listen to it on any computer via its streaming service. One such as I could also listen to an entire album a single time free of charge, allowing me to decide whether or not I enjoyed said album before plopping down money for it. This service as so mindblowingly revolutionary that Apple just had to grab hold of it with their white little fingers and steal it away from us.

That’s right, today it was announced that Lala.com would be shutting down as of May 31. Apple bought the site to kill it.

Some folks, naive to the ruthlessness of business, thought that maybe Apple would try to incorporate Lala’s revolutionary service with their own iTunes application, but of course, this didn’t happen. Instead, they just decided to stab it through with a knife, driving it down into the heart until it stopped beating. It was like adopting the world’s most awesome and adorable kitten — one that people couldn’t help but love with all their hearts — and then drowning it in a kitchen sink full of soapy water.

I can’t tell you how horrible this news was to me. I use Lala every day, streaming untold hours of music through my computer’s speakers as I write. I can jump from rocking Scar Symmetry on my work computer to my home computer without missing a beat since all my music is just floating out there in the invisible internet world. But now…now that’s all dead. I’ve been taking it pretty hard.

I mean, I know it was nothing personal; I know Steve Jobs and his cult weren’t just sitting around talking amongst themselves about how they can ruin a guy’s day:

“Dudes,” Jobs likely didn’t say, “How can we, like, totally fuck up Adam Armour’s day? I mean, really really, like, make him royally upset? I hate that dude.”

Still, when a company that you already kind of hate does something nasty that has a personal effect on how you go about your day-to-day life, you can’t help but feel a little slighted…or a lot slighted.  For a company that prides itself on being “revolutionary” and “hip,” taking away a novel service like Lala seems like a step back. I mean, they already have a stranglehold on the digital music download industry, did they really have to take this away? I mean, really? Really?

Pretty rotten, Apple. Rotten to the core, as it were.

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3 thoughts on “The Worst of All Possible Things

  1. Pingback: Break the Apple iTunes-iPod Monopoly « The Proteus Experiment

  2. Completely agree. I was a loyal lala user. I loved the service. There is no way Apple is coming out with anything close to it. Oh, they’ll offer streaming media some day. Put you’ll pay out your ass for it and it’ll probably only run properly on one of their iSuck devices.

    • It bothers me more than it probably should. I use a Mac for work, but that’s about it. I don’t own an iPod, iPhone, iPad or anything else i related. I really just don’t care for their products…scratch that — I find their products to be well-made and fancy-looking, but overpriced and trendy. I hate the fact that I can’t manipulate the innards of a Mac, or force the operating system to do my bidding. To me, using a Mac feels like relinquishing control of the machine and I just don’t like that. Also, it deeply bothers me that Apple has a total stranglehold on the music industry. I mean, really…who’s using Amazon.com to download music?

      Lala was a great service and my heart honestly sank when I heard about its closing. I’m using Grooveshark now, but it’s not nearly as user-friendly or consistent in its selection of music. Basically, what I’m saying is, “This sucks.”

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