Apple’s going on my list. I’m jotting the name down right now: A…P…P…L…E…Apple. Apple is now on my “shit list.” That’s right, Steve Jobs and all his scarf-wearing, espresso sipping, iPhone tapping, self-important douche bag asshole followers better watch out. I have the power of words on my side — words written on a “shit list.” There’s nothing more dangerous than that.
What has Apple done to deserve my ire? Five months ago, they purchased an awesome little site called Lala.com, which allowed a person such as yours truly to upload his song collection to the internet and listen to it on any computer via its streaming service. One such as I could also listen to an entire album a single time free of charge, allowing me to decide whether or not I enjoyed said album before plopping down money for it. This service as so mindblowingly revolutionary that Apple just had to grab hold of it with their white little fingers and steal it away from us.
That’s right, today it was announced that Lala.com would be shutting down as of May 31. Apple bought the site to kill it.
Some folks, naive to the ruthlessness of business, thought that maybe Apple would try to incorporate Lala’s revolutionary service with their own iTunes application, but of course, this didn’t happen. Instead, they just decided to stab it through with a knife, driving it down into the heart until it stopped beating. It was like adopting the world’s most awesome and adorable kitten — one that people couldn’t help but love with all their hearts — and then drowning it in a kitchen sink full of soapy water.
I can’t tell you how horrible this news was to me. I use Lala every day, streaming untold hours of music through my computer’s speakers as I write. I can jump from rocking Scar Symmetry on my work computer to my home computer without missing a beat since all my music is just floating out there in the invisible internet world. But now…now that’s all dead. I’ve been taking it pretty hard.
I mean, I know it was nothing personal; I know Steve Jobs and his cult weren’t just sitting around talking amongst themselves about how they can ruin a guy’s day:
“Dudes,” Jobs likely didn’t say, “How can we, like, totally fuck up Adam Armour’s day? I mean, really really, like, make him royally upset? I hate that dude.”
Still, when a company that you already kind of hate does something nasty that has a personal effect on how you go about your day-to-day life, you can’t help but feel a little slighted…or a lot slighted. For a company that prides itself on being “revolutionary” and “hip,” taking away a novel service like Lala seems like a step back. I mean, they already have a stranglehold on the digital music download industry, did they really have to take this away? I mean, really? Really?
Pretty rotten, Apple. Rotten to the core, as it were.