Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! It’s monsters! Lots o’ ’em!
We’ve got BIG monsters! We’ve got BIGGER monsters! We’ve got monsters so BIG they the word BIG isn’t really appropriate anymore! All of ’em cram-packed into one novel!
What is this novel you ask, heart pounding like the music inside a shitty clothing store? Why, it’s Strange Beasts in a Small Town, the soon-to-be-finished and “dear God I hope at least one chapter of this thing’s kind of good” piece of fictional nonsense by yours truly, Adam Armour. It’s a giant monster story about giant monsters that features more giant monsters than you’d want to shake a medium-sized stick at!
Let’s check ’em out!
1.) Taisokage – a beastly, firebreathing lizard with an affinity for deconstructing large, man made objects. Kind of an asshole, really.
2.) King Vislor (aka: The Royal Hound) – quiet, thoughtful and undying in his loyalty to the human race. The Royal Hound, a hulking deerhound-esque creature with a circle of horns atop his head, fought alongside the humans during the Great Kaiju War.
3.) Armadrillo – not a monster, but a giant, anthropomorphic machine that kind of looks like an upright armadillo, only with drills for hands.
4.) Rubbish – a massive, living mound of garbage and broken objects. It uses long, inky tentacles to continually build itself bigger and bigger. It’s also a particularly mopey creature, making him a bit of a downer.
5.) Monsquito – monsterous inscect creature. It garners a tremendous amount of joy from impaling humans on its long, bloodsucking proboscis.
6.) Arachnisaurus – a lizard, spider thing. He’s got a lot of legs and a big, reptilian jaws. Big and ugly and mean. At one point, he destroys Atlanta, so a lot of Braves fans don’t care for him.
7.) Krackagon – Seafaring squid beast. He destroys a lot of cruise ships, but he’s really kind of timid.
8.) Felyon – Jungle-loving feline kaiju.
9.) Volan the Sky Dragon – multi-headed, flying kaiju. Real mean bastard. Tough, too.
10.) Coloblast the Monkey Lord – you really don’t want a description of his secret weapon.
That’s it! Monsters to suit your every need. If you don’t see a monster in our massive catalog, we can place one on special order for you. That’s our GIANT MONSTER GUARANTEE.
Remember, just because your favorite monster is on this list does not mean it’s guaranteed a prominent spot inside the pages of Strange Beasts in a Small Town. Sorry folks. Think of it as a lesson in shouldering the myriad immense disappointments of life.