Paranoid (the feeling, not the Black Sabbath album)

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On my way to work today, I had to stop and put a few drops of gas in my car so that it wouldn’t sputter to a stop on the middle of the highway. In truth, I needed more than just those few measly drops, but apparently I’ll have to sell some organs before I can fill up again.

Much like the resurgence in clothing styles from the 1980s, the return of high gas prices is completely unwelcome and a little bit nauseating. As a person who both commutes to work daily and is required to do quite a bit of traveling as part of his job, it pains me to see those numbers creeping upward, ready to strike at the heavens. It’s like I can actually feel my paychecks disappearing.

Now, I’m not one to toss around blame or anything, and I know good and well that there are many different factors that contribute to determining the cost of fuel — overseas markets, demand, weather and whatnot — but I’m just going to go ahead and say its the government’s fault things are this way today. They’re trying to keep us down, man.

Laugh if you want, but deep down in the recesses of your mind you know I speak the truth. The poor are easy to control. If we, the American people, are always broke we will have little choice but to turn to our government for help. As I’ve learned through my various dealings with organized crime, you ask for any little inconsequential favor — say living off of welfare for the rest of your natural life — and then BOOM, suddenly those cutting the checks expect a little something in return. In this case, it’s complete and total subservience to the upper echelon of American society, i.e. our political leaders. Also i.e. the super-rich. They get all their gas for free anyway because they’re all buddy-buddy with both official and terrorist leaders in the Middle East, so what do they care? Doesn’t affect them.

Then, when we’re all worn down like old sandpaper, we’ll be forced to receive health care through government clinics, wherein we’ll have microchips pumped into our bloodstreams through some random vaccination they’ll say we need, and we’ll all be too hungry and poor and internet disabled to know any better. Then, they’ll be able to track our movements and monitor us while we sleep and read our thoughts and everything we don’t want them to be able to do. Today it’s a little gas hike and tomorrow its complete physical and mental control. You just wait and see.

Of course, I suppose they could just keep monitoring us via our cell phones. That would work, too.

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