Everybody knows the Mayans were raging conspiracy theorists. In addition to suspecting that government officials were constantly rooting through their garbage, they also believed the world was going to end on December 21, 2012.
Since this is your last day to exist, we here on the Planet Earth would appreciate it if you participated in this quick survey to let us know about your experiences here. Your answers will be confidential and will help provide better experiences for the inhabitants of future planets. Thank you.
Planet Earth Exit Survey
1.) How would you describe your overall experience living on Planet Earth? (please check one)
□ Fantastic. Everything worked out just the way I planned. Life was hunky-dory.
□ Pretty great. Most of my dreams came true…the best ones at least.
□ Good. I mean, I never lost any limbs or anything. But some people are ugly.
□ Fair to middling. Sure, I had to work some shitty job and most of the time people were total dicks to me for no reason, but I never had cancer.
□ Kind of crappy. I had cancer.
□ Pretty darn awful. People are assholes. Society’s a joke. There’s no meaning to anything. Now I’m dead.
□ Wretched. I got out of the womb for this?
2.) Would you recommend living on Planet Earth to your friends or family members?
□ Fuck you.
Thank you again for your time. We hope to see you again in our next place of existence.
– Planet Earth staff