Future Stuff, No.2: The Mood Suit

Because the current economic climate has forced me to cut back on expenses, I’ve decided to lay off my muse. And because inspiration is hard to come by for those not trained in its detection, I’ve turned to a copy of a 1989 Penguin publication called Future Stuff, which I purchased for a quarter at my local library, for some ideas.

Contained between this book’s covers are more than 250 then would-be inventions promised for wide consumer release by the year 2000. Some came to be; some…not so came to be.

What follows is the second piece inspired by these wonderful devices. It is called…

Suits Your Mood

At first, it was green.

“What the hell are you wearing?”

“It’s a ‘mood suit.’”

“What?”

“A ‘mood suit.’ It changes color to suit your mood. Neat, huh? I got you one, too.”

Green.

“Where did you get them?”

“Novelty tech store.”

“Why did you get them?”

Gray.

“Well…I thought they might help. With our…you know…communication problems.”

“You were supposed to buy a radiant space heater.”

“What?”

“A space heater. That’s why you went out. To buy one. To keep us warm.”

Orange.

“Yeah, but…”

“But what?”

Orange.

“But…but this is so much better than a space heater.”

“In what way?”

Purple.

“In that it’s going to improve our relationship. You’re always preaching that I don’t speak my mind enough. Or, if I do, I’m unclear. And I never know what the hell anything you say means; I misinterpret your feelings and crap all the time. These suits…well…they fix that. We’ll know what we’re feeling by the colors of our suits.”

“Doesn’t that remove some of the point of conversation?”

Blue.

“Yeah…but…but…wait, what?”

Gray.

“If you’re always busy watching the color of my clothes, you’re not listening to me. Right?”

Blue.

“Well…I’m…Well….You see…No…This is what I’m talking about, right here. I really don’t know what you’re getting at. If you were wearing your suit, I’d be be able kind of figure out what you’re trying to tell me. It’d be green and I’d know you’re happy that I did this cool thing or it’d be blue because you’re sad that I hadn’t thought of this great idea earlier. These suits solve so many problems.”

“They don’t solve the problem of our bedroom being too cold.”

Orange.

Red.

“You know, I’m about sick of you sometimes.”

“What?”

Red.

“I mean…I try. I really, really try. Harder than you try. I’m the one who spent $120 on damn ‘mood suits’ just to help us as a couple. And for a moment…for a moment…well, I was dumb enough to think that you might think I did something right. For once. That you might say to yourself, ‘You know what. My husband’s a good guy. He cares about the two of us. He’s on the ball.’ But, of course not. You want a radiant space heater; I want to fix our marriage. You’ve got to take something positive into your cold, crushing hands and just twist it and twist it until it’s this horrible, awful, stupid thing. And the only reason you do that is because it was my idea and my ideas are always shit. Just based on principle. Shit. That’s the way it’s always been. That’s the damn problem. It’s not me. And it’s not the fact that I’m not saying what’s on my mind or I’m not listening to you or whatever crap you’re always claiming is the problem. The problem with our marriage is your inability to express what you truly expect from me. Who the hell knows with you?”

Orange.

Orange.

Gray.

“…”

“I’m…I’m sorry. I’m just…I didn’t mean all that crap. I get worked up. You know what I’m like.”

“…”

Gray.

“Are you mad? Please, don’t be mad. I’m sorry.”

Gray.

“I don’t need a ‘mood suit.’”

“What?”

“I don’t need a ‘mood suit.’”

Gray.

“…Um…OK. Why?”

“Because I’m never unclear about how I’m feeling.”

“…Yeah…but…I think that’s up for…”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t know what I’m feeling right now.”

Yellow.

green-mood-ring

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2 thoughts on “Future Stuff, No.2: The Mood Suit

  1. Pingback: Future Stuff No. 3 and The Fifth Sonnet | I'm Trying to Write.

  2. Pingback: Future Stuff #4 | I'm Trying to Write.

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