One day she decided it was time to go;
Just hop in the boat and begin to row.
But because there wasn’t an ocean nearby,
She figured she’d have to take to the sky.
Space, she decided, is the best place to be.
Far better than life at land or at sea.
Jedi are cooler than both people and sharks
Death Stars more sweet than reefs, beaches or parks.
Now most rockets require doctors to build
And because she no nary doctoring skills,
She turned to Amy, her friend who wore glasses
And also always earned herself passes
On science tests, so she’d know just what to do…
The way one could build a spaceship or two
Though in truth, one was really all she would need …
A single metal, space-rip-roaring steed
On which she could ride to the cosmos aloft …
A journey not for the timid nor soft
Nor the faint-hearted, which of course she was none.
Tougher than dog poop left out in the sun
Is what she was, although she’d likely abhor
So blatantly nasty a metaphor.
Now, Amy — bless her — took the time to explain,
That her friend might really want to refrain
From DIY space trips — they’re all hit or miss:
She could go with a boom, sizzle or hiss
None of which, of course, would be very much good.
So, in her opinion, she really should
Stay here on the ground where she was born and raised
Live planet-side for the rest of her days
Like everyone else. That’s just normal, you see.
But normal was not what she wished to be.
She wanted the greatness inherent in space;
Be able to get up in a dude’s face
And be like, “Yeah, I’ve been all up in the stars;
“Seen Saturn, Uranus, Jupiter, Mars…
“Even Pluto. That’s right, the one you neglect.
“I’ve seen it. Ate lunch there. I won’t forget
“How awesome that place was. Better than farting.
“Which is, by the way, why I’m departing.
“No, not to fart … to be in a place that’s new.
“Some place where I don’t have to look at you
“Or all of the other dolts running around.
“Frankly, all you freaks are bringing me down.
“So, I’m taking off … literally, you see.
“Do not expect to ever hear from me
“Again. Because I plan to never return
“To this dung heap world. Now, help me adjourn.”
Of course, hasty girl, she neglected to think
Just how deeply her epithets would sink
Into the heart of Amy, standing nearby,
Mouth all agape, tear falling from her eye.
Red and offended, the girl spat on the ground.
Said she didn’t want to see her around.
“If I do,” she grumbled, all up in her face,
“You won’t need rockets to travel to space.”
Then off Amy went with a huff and a curse
And our heroine felt quite a bit worse
Than when she first figured she needed to go.
Believe it or not and wouldn’t you know,
Now that she was right back where she began,
A boat didn’t seem like a terrible plan.