You know…sometimes…there are some people who are just…ugh…I don’t know…Something I can’t express in words, only frustrated grunts, long puffs of air and sour, face-twisting looks. You know what I’m talking about, right? That’s what this little bitty story is about. THOSE people. It is called…
A Worthwhile Sacrifice
So, like, I got to the counter and told the guy behind there that I wanted a little extra butter but not too much extra butter because it makes the popcorn all soggy and stuff and that I wanted a little extra ice in my Diet Coke but not too much ice and then, like, he just burst into flames. I know, weird, huh? At first he opened his mouth like he was going to scream and stuff and I could see a bright light in there and then he just suddenly burst out in flames. Oh, and it was totally gross. It totally smelled like burning hair because, like, his hair was on fire and everybody was running around screaming because they didn’t know what to do and little pieces of his skin and stuff totally flaked off and got all over me. It was so gross. I was totally screaming about it and I could swear that dude was smiling at me as he burned up. I know! I know! Like he was happy he was all burning to death and totally messing things up for me. I know! And guess what? They totally canceled all the movies for the rest of the day because of it, even though I had already bought my popcorn and everything. Totally ruined my day.
(NOTE: A slightly different version of this story appeared on the now defunct short fiction website, Flashshot.com. It was a great little site run by a single dude with way more dedication to his craft than I could ever muster. I’ll always miss my daily dosage of super-short pulp fiction. RIP, Flashshot.com.)