Let’s just get this out of the way first: I am an awful poet.
I’m just no good at writing poetry, likely because I neither understand nor appreciate what little I read of it. And the kind of poetry I do appreciate is the kind that focuses more on witty rhymes and silly narratives rather than deep, personal, formless expression. Think Shel Silverstein and Dr. Seuss. That’s the kind of stuff I can dig into.
What follows is likely a bit like the works of those aforementioned poets, only…you know…awful.
Cthulhu Briefly Laments His Growing Popularity
Sonnet #3: The Ballad of Slip’ry Sal Umfress
I Really Hate it When My Cat Takes a Shit Right After I’ve Cleaned the Litter Box
Sonnet #2: The Weekday Plea
Sonnet #1: I Guess I’m Writing Sonnets Now
Ode to a Toilet
Sauron Rests His Eye
Slow as Christmas
Hot Damn (I’m a Godless Man)
We’ve Got to Go
The More Intelligent Toilet
The Popular Crowd
Rock My Body (A Love Song)
The Toaster Thief
* Illustration by M March-Steinman (a favorite poet of mine)